I Love New York: Tailor Made, even pussy whipped, gets to stay

Tiffany, a.k.a. New York, knows how the game is played. She's already released some of "Mamma's Boys," which obviously didn't make the mom happy one damn bit. BUT... there is a but... Moms decided to make Mr. Wise one of her "boys," and was bitter off the fact that he wouldn't be her eyes and ears to the place. Although the other brothers like Punk and Pretty didn't say anything, Tailor Made was sure of himself and made it known to everyone at the dinner table that he was going to do what it takes to win both their hearts. When all hell broke lose between him and Mr. Wise, the spitting not only reminded more than half of I Love New York viewers of that unforgettable moment on Flavor of Love when Pumpkin had spit that nice wad at New York. Her act nearly had me convinced of how disgusted (as she claimed) she was with Tailor Made, but I knew that the little twinkle and tingle in her was telling her, "I must not let go of this white boy... he's willing to do anything and everything for me... he's got nothing but love for New York... not to mention a shit load of money..." OF COURSE THE BITCH KEPT HIM! One MAJOR problem with Tailor Made: If you decide to spit, back your shit up! No! pussy boy, sitting in the corner, keeps what he refers to as his "weak legs" up in the air to prevent Mr. Wise from attacking him. Tailor Made lost his threading... bitch boy can't fight worth a shit! That's exactly what New York needs! Someone she can push around and will please her 24/7 and that's exactly what he'll deliver, besides three dozens of red roses that "It" will try to claim. WTF? New York even kept It after his attempt to stick his tongue in her mouth - should've known she wouldn't let him go, she's into that nasty shit. New York's two main goals: Sex, and money.

Office Manager = Office Monkey

I don't remember "babysitter" being a part of my job description. If anything, I'm supposed to knit-pick them for causing too much spending on office supplies, not about making them do the dishes or not being willing to use Tylenol because they MUST have Advil. Jesus, people! We're trying to make plans on what to do for our Holiday dinner this year, but it's ultimately up the big boss on where we're going and when. Unfortunately, I can't force an answer out him, however, he knows that I need one and he knows I've been working on ideas. Meanwhile, I've got people coming to me whining about "Well when? Where? Why don't you know already? We need to figure this out now before it gets too late!" Guess what people? IT'S NOT UP TO ME AND YOU KNOW IT! So, leave me the hell alone! I've got my own shit to worry about!

So-called friends need etiquette lessons

I'm to assume that when someone considers themselves a friend to you, that means they will be exactly that, a friend. That means, they call you, or email you, or come visit you when they have time. It's been well over a year since I got married and they were IN my wedding and over three months since I moved from my hometown... there are people who are on Yahoo IM and they see me as available, but do they even say, "Hey! How's it going?" Nope! They sit there like a total stranger. This has been going on for as long as I can remember. There's MySpace.com too... they don't get in touch through that either! Do me a favor people... don't say you're my friend and then drop from the face of the earth - not to mention talk smack behind my back. A pox on your other friendships! I bet mildew on the walls from humidity make better friends than you!

Loud mouths disturbing the peace

You're on your way home from a hard day at work. You were running around like a headless chicken and you were trying to please 10 people simultaneously, which all in all meant you were babysitting your office. You get on the bus on time which is amazing for a Thursday evening. You're on board what is seemingly a quiet bus. You close your eyes and start to unwind. You feel yourself dozing off. Then you hear this person's cell phone ring, and they happen to have it on maximum volume, so everyone and their mom on the bus can hear it. Sitting two seats away from me was this large, Amazon-type Caucasian woman taking her phone out of her purse. She puts it to her ear and yells out, "HELLO?!" She had to have been in her early 20's from the way she was dressed, acting, and talking - oh, and her make-up job was one to be desired. She carried on in her conversation, acting as though she couldn't hear herself. There was absolutely no noise coming from the bus except the engine running and the brakes squeeking. Everyone on the bus literally stared down at her. One old lady, who you'd think would have poor hearing, had to cover her ears because the bitch was that loud. At one point, this girl said, "I hate this rain... I left the house with my hair looking amazing, and then the rain fucked it all up!" I looked at her hair... not only were her roots showing (she dyes it blonde, but I could see dark brown roots), but her hair was flat and dead at the ends. There was no body to it. It looked like it hadn't been washed for days. The way she dressed appeared to be her attempt to look hip, but it was only an implication to me that she didn't know h0w to dress. She looked around at everybody and yelled into the phone, "Everyone's staring at me like they've never seen a woman before!" I had to laugh, which I could tell she didn't appreciate. Finally, the bus driver said, "If you don't shut up, I'm kicking you off the bus right now." There was dead silence while we sat at a red light. She grabbed her belongings while keeping the phone at her ear, and got off the bus. "Well!" I started, "That was easy!" Everyone cheered and laughed.

I took a ride on the #17, in... the Twilight Zone...

It was as cold this morning as it was yesterday. A nippy 38 degrees, but the fog was missing, which to me implies that the day will be somewhat warmer in the afternooon. I got to my bus stop about 3 minutes earlier than I normally would. The bus was about 2 minutes early. As usual, I had my bus fare out in my hand, ready to feed the fare taker. In my normal routine, I boarded while saying, "Good morning!" But when I looked up, it wasn't my regular bus driver, an older white guy by the name of Ken. It was young, clean shaven black guy. I'm thinking, "Hey! Where's Ken? He NEVER misses a day!" Just yesterday he was fine and then he's not there... totally threw me off. I looked around the bus, and I didn't recognize a single passenger except for the older Asian fellow sitting next to me who I usually see on the evening bus when I go home from work. All the usual people who take the same bus as me weren't there! So I'm sitting there, feeling like I'm on the wrong #17 bus, trying to work my little tired and half-asleep brain, wondering if I caught an "early" bus that was running late, but then again, that was the same scheduled bus I would've taken on a normal day anyway... but should it matter?

So we move on. Once over the Ross Island bridge, there is a turn that the bus makes on its route, that is a right turn on SW 1st Ave. I'm dozing in out of consciousness when all of a sudden I heard a lady passenger yell out, "Hey! Where you going?" The driver, who I now realized had a slight resemblance to Ralph Tresvant from New Edition, said, "Aww man! I thought I was on the 9 for a minute there! Aww man...." He couldn't stop smiling at himself out of embarassment. He started to get busy pushing buttons on his litter transmitter to enter certain types of info that headquarters receives on their end since it will effect the route. He made up for his lost time quickly and turned on a street that cut the route by only stops. Not once did the bus have a person left standing without a seat. It was that empty. About 6 stops before mine, I saw one more recognizable person get on, but even then, that person looked "odd" in their own way. I got to work about 5 minutes earlier than expected. I don't know how, but I did. It was, after all, a ride in... the Twilight Zone.

Vicodin and Penicillin cocktail

I don't mind the antibiotics, except that having GERD creates more uneasiness in the stomach. While the infection is being wiped out so to speak, I've got Vicodin in generic form lingering in my system. The stuff has got me so numbed that sitting at work has become unbearable. My attention span is nill, and then I feel all giggly out of nowhere. Granted the pain is almost completely gone, I in the meantime have to sit at my desk like a zombie. Why can't there be Vicodin for the day time?

Roloff Farm pumpkins vs. Sauvie Island pumpkins

I went to visit the Roloff Family, of "Little People, Big World," farm this past Sunday with my partner and her mom. It was all in good fun. I was looking forward to seeing someone from the Roloff family. Luckily, we got to see Matt Roloff on one of his tractors, talking to a State Trooper. When we reached the pumpkin patch, there was almost nothing left. Granted we arrived in the early afternoon hours, and there were lines of people there, I would think that they'd come prepared, being a celebrity family and all - being on The Learning Channel does in fact give them that status. It was amazing on how much more mud there was in comparison to pumpkins! We didn't manage to get any good sized pumpkins for carving, but we grabbed a few Cinderella pumpkins that were good enough to be drawn on. Today, I go to Sauvie Island with a couple of co-workers, and the first farm we hit, there were hundreds on top of hundreds and hundreds more of pumpkins. It was amazing! All you see from the main entrance, in the horizon, was a large patch of orange - it was beautiful. Roloff's, you may be cute on TV, but the Pumpkin Farm of Sauvie Island won you over. There were pumpkins there that were even taller than you.

Marie Osmond was winded...

... At least she says she faints "whenever she feels winded," and it happens "from time to time." Geez, Marie, what other activities have you been doing to make you feel winded to cause you to faint so much? The last person I knew to faint that much was Harry Potter whenever he came across a Dementor or was knocked on the head. Marie didn't even want immediate medical attention. Instead, she wanted to see a doctor after getting her scores. Go figure... she got 21 out of 30. I'd want a doctor, too.

Doctors - helping the needy, or money? Which should I pick?

Doctors as well as dentists and other professionals in the medical field take an oath where they help people in need. They're there to provide a service to those with health issues whether they have money or not. They're in the business to save lives, just like law enforcement and fire fighters. So why then would someone who is experiencing a great deal of pain due to an infection that could worsen without proper attention and has no insurance because they're still a new employee or they only work part time, must they suffer because they can't pay $100 to $300 for medical attention and medication? What in blazers has this god-forsaken country come to? Michael Moore's film Sicko focuses on how screwed up the system is. I hate to say it, but if you have no money, you can pretty much say you'll have sucky health. So how then are we so over populated? I know the rich don't exactly outnumber the poor...

Ellen DeGeneres vs. Mutts and Moms

Ellen is "in the dog house" according to mass media because she gave her dog away to her hair dresser since Iggy (her dog) just wasn't working out with the living situation. She cried and sobbed because Iggy was taken back by the non-profit organization where Iggy came from. Her hair dresser's two daughters had already bonded with Iggy; Mutts and Moms took Iggy away because Ellen had violated an agreement - a contract she had signed with Mutts and Moms. If things weren't working out, she was to return Iggy to them. She gave Iggy to people who would care for him and provide a good home for him - and not return him to a cage where there's very little much-needed attention given. Mutts and Moms could care less that a celebrity did what they felt was best... so they're giving Ellen crap. They won't even come back with a response to this. It was enough for me to see and hear Ellen cry wholeheartedly for the first time to know her intentions were good. Screw Mutts and Moms - and what the hell kind of name is that anyway? What, are they into seeing moms screw mutts or something? Ellen, don't let someone that small get you down. If anything, you should shut them down and give away all their mutts to good families.

Anxieties of anxiety attacks

My throat feels like it's closing up... I feel like I have to keep taking deep breaths to get air in my lungs... my ears keep popping.

Great, now my body temperature is changing and I feel like I have to pee all the time... my hands are either clammy or sweaty... my head is pounding... and I've got muscles twitching in places that are just odd and funky.

WTF? All I'm doing is working! Maybe work makes me anxious. Or maybe I'm anxious to get home and get high...

Etiquette for idiots: Birthday and Wedding presents

For those who have no manners or are just plain dumb:

If you have been invited to a wedding, remember that you are eating a free meal and drinking free alcohol. In turn, buy the couple a freakin' wedding present! Don't just show up and say "thanks for invite!" Even a card is good... to show that you're acknowledging a once in a lifetime event.

Birthday presents aren't always necessary for those who aren't so picky and choosey. Cards make most people happy - even flowers or a little something that's homemade. If you really forget, the belated cards are always helpful. But if you have someone in your life that you deem to be important but really can't buy a thing for them, pick up the damn phone and call a bitch up! Especially if they remember your birthday every year without fail... why must you forget theirs?

C'mon people! Grow a set of balls and get with the program!

Keepin' the Brown down in Portland

Today, during a staff meeting, we learned that there will be a fim crew in our office next week to do a DVD of our firm. My boss specifcially pointed out that one person, if not two, in particular will have their face on the video because, get this: their White enough. Yup! You got it! Good ol' Whitey is getting first dibs on a video. This is largely thanks to a former employee, whom many of the staff who have been here a long time know and dislike her. It was apparently all her idea to do this filming with this person because our firm is "full of minorities in the SF office." Okay, you know what? We're in Portland, Oregon. Sure, we may not be as diverse and colorful as SF is, but the fact remains that there are still many, many different people here. The owner, founder and CEO of this firm is Black for God's sakes! And she wants a, as my boss put it, "a pastey white person in plaid" for this video. No wonder she doesn't work here! If she did I'd drop kick her ass into the dirt... that'll turn her to a nice baby-shit brown color!

Client shagging a contracted employee

It's one thing to follow the rules because you want to be good, but it's another thing to take advantage of something that's not rightfully yours all because the boss says it's okay. Hell the boss-man should get his ass whupped, too! So I leave my old job because it was filled with dishonest and two-faced assholes. My position went to an immature kid who swore she'd never want the job because she couldn't handle it. I assured her that she'd want it after seeing the pay and would wind up being a pushover for the boss who doesn't even know how to do a spreadsheet let alone an email attachment. She's not only in the job position, but she's also shagging one of the contracted employees to the company. Conflict of interest? What's that? Well as long as the boss is okay with it and we're not hurting anyone it's fine... no harm done! Sure, if you want to forget to you all look like ho's and greedy-ass muthafu%*as! Nothing like the Coroporate world who goes around preaching- "Come... follow me... take this path that led me to eternal glory and wealth and I will show you the way to become brainwashed and believe in only one way - OUR way." I want to feel sorry for her because at one time I did consider her a friend, but instead she turned out to be lying beeeyotch just like the rest. A word to the wise - choose your friends carefully. People are still going to drive hard to get what they want no matter what it takes.

Attacked by Dragon "Lady?" on the bus

I say this with "?" because I really couldn't tell if it was indeed a man or a woman. I'm on the bus going home and about three stops after I got on, this big amazon of a person gets on. I was involved with the game I was playing on my cell phone so I never bothered to look up at their face, but I could see dress shoes on to a pair of what looked like size 13 men's feet, painted toes, a velvety skirt that dropped to the lower calves, and a black leather coat. The smell that permeated from them was like wet dog, perhaps because it was raining outside. Well anyway, they got mad because I wouldn't scoot over to the next seat for them to take my seat - I hate being squished against the window esp. by a big lug like that - so I simply moved my legs over so he/she could sit by the window. I had my headphones on so I couldn't hear what they mumbled. Once he/she was sitting down, I gave my neck a rest from looking down for too long. When I looked out the fogged up window, there was the thing, with platinum blonde hair and a beret on top. The hands were folded on top of the purse that was really the size of a carry-all bag. Those hands! They were HUGE! And not to mention hairy. The nails... OMG. I kid you not. The nails were all fake and painted badly. The fake nail that was on the thumb was the size of my whole pinky finger. Then their cell phone rang. In a deep, baritone voice, "Hello? Hi Joanne..." I don't know what stopped me from making faces and noises. Growing up in San Francisco, I've seen many drag queens and cross dressers - so many it'd make your head spin. But you know, most were tasteful and elegant, some were even better looking than real women. This guy next to me? He was from the Dollar Store of drag queens. Yeck! Those nails were coming at me like I was a salami to be sliced! Darlings, be who you are by all means, but please, for the love of God, look your part, too! You don't have to wear your Sunday's best, but at least look like you want to get hit on!

Gary Coleman's Cash Call falls short like him

Whatever you do, think twice before signing up for a loan with ANY loan company, no matter how desperate you are. They don't care if you have a death in the family, have no job, or you're dying in the hospital. They only see one thing: $$$$$. All they want is their money. They only want to lend to you because they know they will get more back for the fact that they were kind enough to lend to you in the first place. Say you take out a loan for $10K. By the time you're done paying off that loan, you've paid back nearly double what you originally borrowed. So in reality, you're doing them a favor. I'd rather go through my bank and deal with their APR than a bunch of morons who are run like robots and find it necessary to torment and harass over the phone and in the mail. Not only have they been acting "professional" in their own view, they have become the little army men, of whom are responsible for running Bush's country. That's right, his country, not ours. I swear, I'm counting the days to the end of hell on Earth.

Interstate 80 in the Bay Area is going to collapse

Rolling into CA from the north, my partner and I had found the driving trip to be smooth and easy going... until... we entered into the realm of Ricmond and Berkeley. YIKES! Something we definitely did not miss about living in CA was the traffic conditions. Check this out: It's raining, cars are bumper to bumper, yet the merging traffic that's coming from the on-ramp to join the rest of the smashed tin cans decide to fly by at an easy 70 MPH when you shouldn't even be going the speed limit until you reach the freeway. NICE PEOPLE! Let me hand over a box of tissues for your issues. In the 20 years I lived in CA, I have come to noticed that even with traffic, there are people who find their needs and time to be more important so they must rush through to get passed those that have been waiting in line to get to their destination. Once we arrived the Bay Bridge toll plaza, the traffic merely trickled in. While on the bridge, I watched several folks get cut off, honked at, and of course tailgated. People, the freeway and the bridge aren't going anywhere, unless you keep it up and you'll see it go down thanks to your stupidity and impatience. Oh and before I forget, defensive driving is OUT, obeying the rules of the road is IN. If you want to play bumber cars, I'll throw you a sack of quarters and send you to Great America where you can have a field day. I'm applying a strong 10 to the many little lead foots of the Bay Area.

September came and went

6 days into the end of the month and now we're in October... And no new blogs from me since then. SO? I'm entitled to fartin' around, aren't I? Actually, I was on hiatus for a while. Needed to gather my thoughts while taking several rides on the Whaaaambulance to and from home to the Bay Area, CA. Was it worth it? Eh~ for what it's worth, my time "away" was well-spent. But you'll be sorry because I got lots to complain about this time around.