The best way to show off to your girl is to shove a live snake in your mouth

A Portland, OR guy found a 20-inch rattler off a highway and took it home with him. To show off to his ex-girlfriend (did he really think this would win her back?), he decided to grow a set of balls and stuck the snake in his mouth. The snake got smart and grabbed a hold of the guy's tongue (probably tried to mate with it). Yes, the guy was drunk... not just on a 6-pk but had a mix of stuff. His tongue was swollen and blocked his airways - the nice ex took him to the hospital since she was the only sober one (they were at a friend's BBQ). The tongue was so swollen that doctors couldn't put a breathing tube down his throat and had to go into his chest.

Didn't mommy ever tell you not to put anything flammable, poisonous or sharp in your mouth? Well snakes are included dumb-ass! A nice round of applause (and 10 out of 10) for Mr. Wilkinson of Portland, OR... no one said we were perfect out here. But as we like to say, "KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD!"

San Francisco goes back to the Dark Ages

In late October, San Francisco will be turning out the lights to both the Bay Bridge and Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz Island, City Hall and most municipal buildings and will keep them that way for an hour to help promote a campaign to conserve energy and fight global warming. Well, considering that I used to live in the SF area for over 20 years I can say this: they need to do this for more than a fucking hour. If they were smart, that need to do this for 7 hours - 1 hour each day of the week. The way the people live and work in the City, and hour won't even cause a dent. Their goal is 15% conservation of electricity that is normally used on a Saturday night. Here's an idea: Shut down all the night clubs early! Maybe that'll also help lessen crime and accidents from intoxicated assholes roaming the streets in one clean swipe!

Period - that "time of the month"

It's called that because it happens once a month, in a perfect world... but it's also because it's that time of the month when you want to stay the hell away from mean bitches like me. This cycle is probably one of the worst I've had in a while. I used to have them pretty bad during high school where I couldn't go to school because I'd be bed ridden. As I get older it seems to only get worse with each passing month. This time around, my emotions are so friggin' fragile that even a sarcastic joke will get me to break down. I don't even want to have rugrats squeezed out of me so I feel like having my period is pointless. Men should have it too. All they get to deal with is "morning wood," "blue balls," sometimes pain when they pee. Hell at least they get to aim... Why God, why?!?!?!?