At the dinner table – Rectangular vs. Round

Andy Milonakis showed off a tattoo he received of a coffee table. He described it as “mundane.” It may be ordinary and boring, but I enjoy its shape and use. I feel the complete opposite about round tables. I grew up having to use this huge round table for fancy dinners, especially when everyone and their mom were over at the house. I can’t stand round tables. I’m forced to look at everyone around me; what if I’ve got company that I can’t stand! Round tables make me feel like I’m losing space around me. I tend to lean more towards the use of the traditional rectangular tables where the heads of the family can sit at either end. You really get to practice manners in passing the salt & pepper, etc, whereas with a round table, everyone tends to reach over you for what they want. Call me weird… call me strange… I don’t like round tables.

Couldn’t bear to bury his dead-for-two-years mother!

A German dude lost his 92 year old mother to natural causes back in 2005. She died in her favorite arm chair. So what happens? The guy gets the death certificate but never registered her actual death and let her sit in her favorite arm chair to rot, never to enter the room she was in ever again. After two years his neighbors called to report the corpse which in turn brought charges against the guy for “violating German burial law.” What? Did this guy live with the nasty-ass rotting smell? Was he afraid that if he lifted her from her chair she’d smack him? The neighbors obviously knew about it… how is that okay? Two years later, I can only imagine that the poor woman’s remains are literally “one with the chair.”

Fake Benjamins managed to pass for real with some strippers, until…

Heard about Damon Armagost from Tennessee? Well this guy apparently thought he was smart enough to pass some fake $100 bills at some strip joint. He’s obviously facing federal charges for his idiotic crime… I mean, come on. We’re 7 years into the new millennium. Who in their right mind would think they can simply copy and paste a picture of Ben Franklin off the internet and try to pass them up with strippers who see the real deal 24-7? This guy thought he was so slick that he spent $600 in one sitting for lap dances. Now considering what the cost might be in TN, if you divide that by $20, that’s potentially 30 lap dances. Were the ho's as dumb as him?