O.J. Simpson is riding the Whaaaambulance to Jail!

So the public put the squeeze on O.J. (no pun intended) and have pushed on with 11 charges that included kidnapping, armed robbery and assualt; this will put him in jail for the rest of his life - not like he may have much left at age 60 the way he's been carrying on. And have you checked out his most recent mugshot? Dickhead is smiling! Pathetic. Someone call me two whaaaambulances... he needs one for him and one for his memorabilia that's precious enough to committ a hideous crime. You've topped my shit list boy!

Saggy pants - a thing of the past - NOT!!!!

Folks in Atlanta, GA want to illegalize the fashion trend that was allegedly started in prisons. The sagging pants, that cause a good chunk of punks to strut their stuff and show what kind of underwear they're wearing, may soon be met with run-ins with law enforcement including a field trip and hands-on experience in jail. An example of this was made in Louisiana where if one were to be caught showing their boxers and/or buttocks, they received both a $500 fine and 6 months in jail; The fine City Officials in Trenton may just send one of guilt to a City worker where they will assess where you're headed in life.

The legend is that this fad began in prisons due to the lack of belts being given to the inmates so they can not be used for hangings or beatings. As a result, the fad caught on with rap artists and such in the late 80's, where they could be seen in rap videos; then the skater people decided to embrace the fad soon thereafter.

Some experts are led to believe that young people do this as a sign of rebellion and identity; they don't think of it as much as a fasion statement and don't find it to be negative.

Can this merely be a stereotype? I mean, I've seen plumbers and painters who don't show off their boxers but the cracks of their asses and I don't hear about those guys getting jailed or fined. I for one sag my pants to a point where you can only see the waistline of my boxers. I do this for personal reasons: I like the way it looks and it's comfortable. No one wants to see another person's ass (unless you like them of course) or what underwear they wear, but if it's going to come down to applying jail time with a fine, then will someone start to bring in the flood look back - come back with a "cool Steve Urkel look?" Kids are impressionable - if they like what they see, they will want a part of it. Otherwise, come up with another fucking solution. This is just more excuses for major cities to make bank off of the innocent who want to look good - I'd rather jail a pedophile than someone who doesn't know how to dress.

Anyway, do we have this much room in jails nationwide? Throw me a freakin' bone here!

Slappin' a big 10 on these assholes my friends... someone throw them in the dog house until the Whaaaambulance shows up.

Screwy bill collectors

You call to give them money, but then they either don't pick up the phone or you're put on hold for 72 minutes and 33 seconds. Yeah... I spent part of my weekend making sure my Money Gram payment reference number was received due to an email saying my payment was late. Naturally I was like, "WTF?" I call the person that told me to call to talk to them and leave them the reference number... were they there? Nope... not only that, but I got to sit on speaker phone for those 72:33 minutes listening to the same, repeated, god-awful elevator music, which was like a cross-over of Kenny G and Chris Botti meets John Tesh.

Attention Bill Collectors: If you don't want your flippin' money, then stop blowing up my phone and email! Whaaaaaaaa... tell Uncle Sam, the IRS and BBB to tell the bill collectors to go to hell! The whole damn country is in debt... you don't hear about bill collectors calling GW Bush at 8 AM on a Saturday morning!

O.J.'s "sting," the perfect plan!

It was one thing to deny his involvement with Nicole's death... but to think it was okay to head and operate what he referred to as a sting operation (obviously went awry) to get what rightfully belonged to him only said one thing to me: He's guilty and always will be. The man hasn't thought straight in over 10 years. I'm telling you, he's lost the stitching and fluff to his football. 10 for the pig-skinned sorry ass; while he's on the Whaaaambulance, the Petty Wagon is going to be closely tailgating him to make sure he doesn't make a run for the goal posts.

The bus ride from hell

Yes, another bus ride story... this was extraordinarily annoying.

The same loud mouth that usually gets on the bus screaming into her pink RAZR hasn't been on her phone the past week which has been nice. But today, she gets on and decides to stand right next to where I was seated and kept hitting me with her fat ass. I mean, every jolt of the bus caused her to hit me. Finally she moved down after several more people boarded the bus. Then this older couple (middle-aged) got on with luggage. The wife had the largest luggage, poor thing... and the husband had the smaller carry-all with something around his back. The guy decides to plant the carry-all right next to my hip where everytime the bus moved, he'd move and hit the luggage, causing it to pinch the skin on my thigh. Finally I shoved the luggage with my knee, got up and changed my seat. The wife told him that he had hit me - d'oh, I forgot that part - before he got "comfortable" standing next to me, he swung around to face his wife, which caused him to hit my face with whatever that thing was he was wearing on his back. Towards the end of it all, I saw a seat up towards the front become free, so I took it. The couple stared at me and the wife started to chew him out.

I needed the whaaaambulance there to feed me a Chai Latte with soy through an IV tube.

More celebrity bashing - J. "Ho" is NOT being original

It was cool and all when J. Lo hit it big in the box office by portraying Selena, God rest her soul... but to try and be like her is just too much for me to swallow.

The dancing on In Living Color was sweet... the new look she had when she came out with her first album was cool... then more albums, more videos, and her "relationships" with Ben Affleck and P. Diddy... started her up the shit pile. We later added more movies, and then her own fragrance - that wasn't nearly enough for the Latina Wonder (as in "I wonder why"). But now, she's got a clothing line out! Selena had a VERY similar career track and dream that were never lived out due to her untimely death. J.Lo needs to take a different road instead of hogging someone else's. So far she's managed a 9... her Whaaaambulance broke down so now I gotta send out the Petty Wagon.

Celebrity bashing for the middle of the week

The more I hear about random celebrity news, the less I appreciate them. And if it weren't crap on a celebrity, it's on well-known peeps.

First on the agenda: Kanya has taken the Whaaaambulance from his hometown of Atlanta to Chicago and to Vegas and back to the East Coast making sure he's heard. Not only was this cry-baby rapper whining about not winning, again, but he had to hate on MTV'S production of this year's VMA. He put the full blame on the ratings being all sucky because they wanted to put Britney on the stage thinking it'd be a profitable move on their part. Guess what Kanye? It ain't all about you!!! Britney crapped on herself, not MTV. Now stop being a whiney-ass and put something out there that's worth an award.

Put the man... er, excuse me, little boy, back on the Whaaaambulance and send him back to School of Whiners where they get paid to care. BIG 10 MY MAN!