Office Manager = Office Monkey

I don't remember "babysitter" being a part of my job description. If anything, I'm supposed to knit-pick them for causing too much spending on office supplies, not about making them do the dishes or not being willing to use Tylenol because they MUST have Advil. Jesus, people! We're trying to make plans on what to do for our Holiday dinner this year, but it's ultimately up the big boss on where we're going and when. Unfortunately, I can't force an answer out him, however, he knows that I need one and he knows I've been working on ideas. Meanwhile, I've got people coming to me whining about "Well when? Where? Why don't you know already? We need to figure this out now before it gets too late!" Guess what people? IT'S NOT UP TO ME AND YOU KNOW IT! So, leave me the hell alone! I've got my own shit to worry about!

So-called friends need etiquette lessons

I'm to assume that when someone considers themselves a friend to you, that means they will be exactly that, a friend. That means, they call you, or email you, or come visit you when they have time. It's been well over a year since I got married and they were IN my wedding and over three months since I moved from my hometown... there are people who are on Yahoo IM and they see me as available, but do they even say, "Hey! How's it going?" Nope! They sit there like a total stranger. This has been going on for as long as I can remember. There's MySpace.com too... they don't get in touch through that either! Do me a favor people... don't say you're my friend and then drop from the face of the earth - not to mention talk smack behind my back. A pox on your other friendships! I bet mildew on the walls from humidity make better friends than you!

Loud mouths disturbing the peace

You're on your way home from a hard day at work. You were running around like a headless chicken and you were trying to please 10 people simultaneously, which all in all meant you were babysitting your office. You get on the bus on time which is amazing for a Thursday evening. You're on board what is seemingly a quiet bus. You close your eyes and start to unwind. You feel yourself dozing off. Then you hear this person's cell phone ring, and they happen to have it on maximum volume, so everyone and their mom on the bus can hear it. Sitting two seats away from me was this large, Amazon-type Caucasian woman taking her phone out of her purse. She puts it to her ear and yells out, "HELLO?!" She had to have been in her early 20's from the way she was dressed, acting, and talking - oh, and her make-up job was one to be desired. She carried on in her conversation, acting as though she couldn't hear herself. There was absolutely no noise coming from the bus except the engine running and the brakes squeeking. Everyone on the bus literally stared down at her. One old lady, who you'd think would have poor hearing, had to cover her ears because the bitch was that loud. At one point, this girl said, "I hate this rain... I left the house with my hair looking amazing, and then the rain fucked it all up!" I looked at her hair... not only were her roots showing (she dyes it blonde, but I could see dark brown roots), but her hair was flat and dead at the ends. There was no body to it. It looked like it hadn't been washed for days. The way she dressed appeared to be her attempt to look hip, but it was only an implication to me that she didn't know h0w to dress. She looked around at everybody and yelled into the phone, "Everyone's staring at me like they've never seen a woman before!" I had to laugh, which I could tell she didn't appreciate. Finally, the bus driver said, "If you don't shut up, I'm kicking you off the bus right now." There was dead silence while we sat at a red light. She grabbed her belongings while keeping the phone at her ear, and got off the bus. "Well!" I started, "That was easy!" Everyone cheered and laughed.

I took a ride on the #17, in... the Twilight Zone...

It was as cold this morning as it was yesterday. A nippy 38 degrees, but the fog was missing, which to me implies that the day will be somewhat warmer in the afternooon. I got to my bus stop about 3 minutes earlier than I normally would. The bus was about 2 minutes early. As usual, I had my bus fare out in my hand, ready to feed the fare taker. In my normal routine, I boarded while saying, "Good morning!" But when I looked up, it wasn't my regular bus driver, an older white guy by the name of Ken. It was young, clean shaven black guy. I'm thinking, "Hey! Where's Ken? He NEVER misses a day!" Just yesterday he was fine and then he's not there... totally threw me off. I looked around the bus, and I didn't recognize a single passenger except for the older Asian fellow sitting next to me who I usually see on the evening bus when I go home from work. All the usual people who take the same bus as me weren't there! So I'm sitting there, feeling like I'm on the wrong #17 bus, trying to work my little tired and half-asleep brain, wondering if I caught an "early" bus that was running late, but then again, that was the same scheduled bus I would've taken on a normal day anyway... but should it matter?

So we move on. Once over the Ross Island bridge, there is a turn that the bus makes on its route, that is a right turn on SW 1st Ave. I'm dozing in out of consciousness when all of a sudden I heard a lady passenger yell out, "Hey! Where you going?" The driver, who I now realized had a slight resemblance to Ralph Tresvant from New Edition, said, "Aww man! I thought I was on the 9 for a minute there! Aww man...." He couldn't stop smiling at himself out of embarassment. He started to get busy pushing buttons on his litter transmitter to enter certain types of info that headquarters receives on their end since it will effect the route. He made up for his lost time quickly and turned on a street that cut the route by only stops. Not once did the bus have a person left standing without a seat. It was that empty. About 6 stops before mine, I saw one more recognizable person get on, but even then, that person looked "odd" in their own way. I got to work about 5 minutes earlier than expected. I don't know how, but I did. It was, after all, a ride in... the Twilight Zone.

Vicodin and Penicillin cocktail

I don't mind the antibiotics, except that having GERD creates more uneasiness in the stomach. While the infection is being wiped out so to speak, I've got Vicodin in generic form lingering in my system. The stuff has got me so numbed that sitting at work has become unbearable. My attention span is nill, and then I feel all giggly out of nowhere. Granted the pain is almost completely gone, I in the meantime have to sit at my desk like a zombie. Why can't there be Vicodin for the day time?

Roloff Farm pumpkins vs. Sauvie Island pumpkins

I went to visit the Roloff Family, of "Little People, Big World," farm this past Sunday with my partner and her mom. It was all in good fun. I was looking forward to seeing someone from the Roloff family. Luckily, we got to see Matt Roloff on one of his tractors, talking to a State Trooper. When we reached the pumpkin patch, there was almost nothing left. Granted we arrived in the early afternoon hours, and there were lines of people there, I would think that they'd come prepared, being a celebrity family and all - being on The Learning Channel does in fact give them that status. It was amazing on how much more mud there was in comparison to pumpkins! We didn't manage to get any good sized pumpkins for carving, but we grabbed a few Cinderella pumpkins that were good enough to be drawn on. Today, I go to Sauvie Island with a couple of co-workers, and the first farm we hit, there were hundreds on top of hundreds and hundreds more of pumpkins. It was amazing! All you see from the main entrance, in the horizon, was a large patch of orange - it was beautiful. Roloff's, you may be cute on TV, but the Pumpkin Farm of Sauvie Island won you over. There were pumpkins there that were even taller than you.

Marie Osmond was winded...

... At least she says she faints "whenever she feels winded," and it happens "from time to time." Geez, Marie, what other activities have you been doing to make you feel winded to cause you to faint so much? The last person I knew to faint that much was Harry Potter whenever he came across a Dementor or was knocked on the head. Marie didn't even want immediate medical attention. Instead, she wanted to see a doctor after getting her scores. Go figure... she got 21 out of 30. I'd want a doctor, too.