Last thought before I went to bed... "I'm a jackass."

One of the rules my wife and I have between the two of us is that we are never to go to bed upset with each other. Last night that rule apparently didn't apply. I got upset because she did something I didn't like. It's not like I have a choice in the matter and I'm not about to tell her she can't do it anymore because I'm not the boss of her and I'm in no position to run her life. However, it did in fact make me feel like shit, like a mediocre ant scrambling to survive, useless and in a way, worthless. I naturally reacted in my usual human nature-like way and in turn was indirectly confronted in passing, hearing the statement, "I don't know what your fucking problem is..." and later being called a jackass shortly before she fell asleep. She was okay with that. I got up and left the room quietly and fled to the living room where I shed tears for an hour and eventually fell asleep on the couch while watching the History Channel around 3 AM.

The note I fell asleep on was a nasty one and I felt I was a jackass only because I didn't stand up for myself. I still feel the same as I did last night and typically I feel better after sleeping on it. But not today. I'm still trying to get over the fact that we went to sleep like that and had the world ended in our sleep, that would've been my last thought of her. Calling me a jackass, and I felt as though I don't satisfy her as her wife.