"We're going out because I said so..."

I've never really been big on socializing. I'm a very private person. I enjoy time to myself, but if I were to be around people, I prefer that it's with a small group, which to me is no more than 10 people. I have a strange phobia of crowds. It was especially tough when I worked in malls. Christmas season was the worse. I think, for the most part, that as long as I'm in good company or with people I love being around with, I can be myself openly and feel quite comfortable. When it comes to meeting new people, I feel like I'm at work. I'm "forced" to be a certain way until I feel ready to let them get to know the real me. But more than half the time, I'm not even motivated to do this. Like cravings for certain foods, my "want" to meet new people comes when it wants to. Yes, it's a very rare occasion, but it does happy. I've fallen into a comfort zone after relocating from California and I've grown to embrace it, enjoy it and very unwilling to let it change. My partner has been making friends at school so I've been feeling a lesser of a need to fulfill that end of the bargain of meeting new people for her since she's done that very well for herself. I may be somewhat of a hermit and have the tendency to ostracize myself, but I have yet to ascertain the reasoning behind this. It could be perhaps because I've been hurt one too many times in the past that I've just thrown the towel in and feel my efforts will be a waste of energy and time.

So when I'm told I have to go somewhere and it runs outside the perimeter of my personal plans/ wishes, naturally I'm going become bitchy and sound like a cry-baby, because I'm not getting my way. But it also doesn't mean I won't end up enjoying myself.