A robber needs a hard-on too... sometimes...

TOTALLY random... I had to laugh my ass off at this...

A 24 yr-old dude in St. Paul decides to go into this woman's house and demands her cellphone and keys. After she handed those over, he made himself right at home... he took off her shoes and decides to lick her toes.

WTF? What ever happened to good ol' fashioned porn? And what about strip joints? I'm sure if you pay enough they'll let you lick their toes... Well if you're into toe-jam then fine!

Ugh... 8 out of 10 for the Toe Fettish Freak

Senior Citizens are not such an easy target for robbery

I wouldn't think of taking advantage of old people... EVER. I've seen old people who were made to stand on fast moving buses where the drivers love to slam on their brakes and the poor old people go flying across the way, landing on other passengers or lose their balance and have a bad fall. Then you've got the ones who look helpless but dress nice for the mall because they like to and want to... you think they're made of money... and then the bad thought runs across the greedy people's minds...

My dad was attacked in the parking lot of our local shopping mall a few years back... he was just minding his own business while walking to the car so he could drive up to the mall entrance to pick up my mom. Then this teenage Asian punk accompanied by two others came up behind him and pushed him against the car demanding his wallet. My dad refused, which prompted the asshole to swing at him... but instead, he missed and my dad punched him instead. The kid's two cronies did nothing but stare and then ran for it. Little did they know my dad used to be a fighter and was in the military. Don't mess with the bull if you can't take the horns!

Anyway, a 74 yr-old guy in NY almost fell vicitim to a similar asshole who demanded his wallet by using a tire iron as a threat. The old man fought and managed to take control of the tire iron. Needless to say the guy was a fool and was later caught and arrested for attempted robbery. Have people become that desperate that they feel the need to mess with the old folks? I can't say much for my dad's situation but this NY guy was lucky... a nice round 10 for the prick who didn't know what a tire iron was really for.

Oops, she... did it again! Hit her baby, One More Time!

How many more times does Britney Spears need to sabotage what's left of her career?

The media has covered a plethera of descriptions pertaining to her performance at this year's MTV's VMA, ranging from "sluggish" to "slothy" and "pathetic" to just plain "lazy." I'm inclined to agree with all of the above. She was reportedly spending the previous days to her (ahem) unforgettable performance partying in lights of Las Vegas. With the available footage of her during rehearsals, even then did she appear to be lifeless. Some are led to believe her weight gain from having her kids is what caused her slow movements - I say it was that god-awful weave... maybe too big for her? Or not a whole lot of brain to balance the weight on her scalp... what ever her excuses may be, she needs to look into early retirement. Bitch needed the Whaaaambulance a LONG time ago... better bring out the hearse too while we're at it.

Ode to Nagging

It's been enough that I do a job that involves assisting a firm of 20...

It's enough that all I want to do when I'm home is relax and do nothing...

I never thought home life was a continuation of the 8-hour work day...

I'd do more if I had the motivation, but once 5:30 hits, I want lay low.

I'm sorry if I'm not up to your standards or expectations...

But I'm not sorry for being me.

I don't have the ability to create time and focus like you have been able to for your job; you luckily have a better work enviornment than I do.

My focus has gone from a lot to nill, all because of a simple nagging job.

Cut a bitch some slack!

A high 10 for ya! The Whaaaambulance is brining luxury your way!

Notorious chocolate craving – and it isn’t even PMS time…

For the past 3 months, I’ve been getting these strange cravings right around the same time of day – just before lunch and just after dinner. My body has been in strong need of chocolate. I’ve tried to fix the craving by drinking the hot chocolate that the office provides, but it doesn’t cut it. I try not to buy any chocolate, but anytime I’m sent out on an errand, it’s hard not to get anything. We’re talking a plethora of chocolate, ranging from Cadbury™ Fruit & Nut, Caramello™, Irish Crème, and English Toffee flavors… then Twix™, Milky Way™, Whoppers™, Mr. Goodbar™… I’m like, “WHY GOD? WHY?” When I actually able to have my chocolate fix, I find myself with the ability to finish all of what I have in one sitting. How is this healthy? When I’m done, I drink a shit load of water, not that it washes away the bad stuff. When I am unable to have a fix, I want to get high. When I can’t even get into that state, I sit like a zombie. Why can’t chocolate come as easy as running water?

STOP REQUESTED

Many of you who take public transportation know and understand the importance of pulling the string on the bus that helps you get off at your stop. Once you hear, “DING!” you know you’re getting ready to off-board. Just to make sure, you look up to see if the STOP REQUESTED sign lit up in red… and it did. Well, in a perfect world the bus driver knows that someone wants to get off at the next stop. For the second time in a week, my bus driver went past my stop and went to the next which is 4 city blocks away, as opposed to my actual stop which takes me half a block away from my office. Either the man is deaf or he’s losing his touch. He has been my driver for the past month and knows where I get off – everyday. Maybe the STOP REQUESTED sign should be right on his steering wheel where he will see it no matter what… on that same note, the “DING” should be amplified right above him – he does use a microphone to announce the important stops… if we have to hear him, he should hear us, too! I don’t like screaming for the bus to stop, it creates too much attention. Next time, I’ll just yell out, “DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!” Nah, never mind. Someone will think they won something.

Getting cozy on public transportation

Picture this: You get on your bus. It was about 5 minutes late. With every one of those extra minutes is an extra person more than usual so it’s fuller. You’ve got one seat available towards the back – one of the ones that are connected to two other seats and face the exit door of the bus. You sit down, relieved that you don’t have to stand with the rest of packed sardines.

Okay, now that you have that visual, check this out: so I sit down and get my bag situated on my lap so I don’t bump into the guy to my left (the wall separating me from the upstairs section of the bus was to my right). I closed my eyes to listen to Sang.Rael, absorbing every note to “Inside of You.” Next thing I know, the guy starts to “adjust” himself and his seated position, causing him to bump into my arm several times. I leaned up against the wall as much as I could so I wouldn’t have to touch him. Instead, the asshole decides he’s going to lean on me even more. WTF? So, I scooted up and away from the back of my seat so that I was practically at the edge. He opened his eyes, looked at me and said something but I couldn’t hear with the headphones on. Then he got up, sat back down and purposely rubbed up against me, again, only this time, he knocked my bag off my lap. I stood up, looked down at him and said, “Can I get you a bed? The roof of the bus is pretty flat!” Muthaf*cka said nothing. What is this need some people have to touch a total stranger on the bus? I was sleepy, too, but I wasn’t about to lean on a white man dressed in stained Dockers™ that were too tight in the crotch. 8 out of 10 for the man in need of “bus rubbing.”