Convicted peeper Marin man wants his porn back

Dennis Saunders, age 59, of San Rafael, is bitter because San Rafael Police confiscated some 500 porn movies and 250 magazines during a recent investigation which led to his conviction for peeping in and video taping a woman and teenage girl. Saunders’ lawyer’s argument on his behalf is that he’s entitled to his extensive porn collection since it has nothing to do with the case against him; the collection is said to be worth some $10K. Saunders apparently added to his wrap sheet back in ’02 which is when he was caught taping the 45-year old woman and 16-year old girl in their bedrooms and bathrooms at the apartment complex where he worked. On top of that were 48 additional counts of misdemeanors connected to sentencing of more than 8 years, which dates back to 1979. He had been released last month for good behavior. Um, hello? Whatever happened to conducting thorough background checks when hiring people? Dennis, darling, if you are in such need of porn in your life, just go and buy yourself a new collection and take lesson from the Birthday Suit man from Indiana… grab yourself a jar of Vasoline™ and rub one out in the comforts of your own home, away from the windows preferably. 9 out of 10 for Mr. Whack Job.

Multitasking while driving does not include the application of petroleum jelly or masturbation

An Indiana man, who decided to visit dear ol’ Ma in Ohio, felt comfortable enough to drive in his birthday suit towards the Indiana Toll Road, along with petroleum jelly on his hands. Motorists passing by this pro-nudity guy had allegedly “seen” enough that they were provoked to call local authorities. I wonder how long they actually watched him before calling State Troopers. So the guy was taken in for misdemeanor indecent exposure but was later released on a $1000 bond. 8 out of 10 - Would he have been caught with tinted windows, I wonder. Wouldn’t one have the same bit of privacy in their vehicle as they would inside a house? I mean, there’s peeping toms everywhere, looking into windows… those perverts should be thrown into jail, too, unless they’re paying to watch.

See what happens when you mess with Cheetos™?

A guy from Des Moines decides that while he’s high off of Meth, he’s gonna throw a bag of Cheetos™ at his dad’s face for no apparent reason. Well the result was a cut to the bridge of the dad’s nose from his eye glasses. Yeah… dude got arrested for domestic assault. Now who throws Cheetos™ at a person they’re mad at, really? I mean, at least use Pringles – the canister will at least cause more damage! I wonder if he opened the bag first. A “cheeto-eye” wouldn’t exactly feel comfortable I’m sure… 7 out of 10 for the Attack of the Killer Cheetos!

If you say “good morning” or “hello” to someone and they don’t answer you…

Well really, what do you do in those situations? It can be awkward, annoying, and not to mention, you feel slightly embarrassed, right? Well, I’ve got a handful of people in my office who like to come in through the front door and have this look of resentment. I can almost see the chaos running through their heads. Granted I’m not exactly a morning person, but it is part of my responsibility to meet and greet people as they come in. The problem is that they make my job more difficult by not replying. At least make eye contact with me for God’s sakes! Most of them have the tendency to just walk right by – and I’m no exactly quiet – my voice carries. I say, “Good morning!” with a rather cheery disposition (it is first thing in the morning, let’s get the day off to a good start), and all I get is their face staring at the floor and the look of “I want to beat the shit out of someone.” I’ve gotta meet and greet, so they better see and eat it!

Computers and Search engines… are they really helpful?

I haven’t written any blogs for almost a week because, well, I have a job. When you have a job, you’re supposed to work and work and work. But I didn’t even do that. I spent most of my time blogging and answering surveys on MySpace.com. Yes, it’s addictive. But that alone kept me busier than the office did. That and Popcap.com. I can’t get enough of the online games. What I hate is why my computer won’t let me download Yahoo IM unless I use the ever-so-slow Yahoo Beta email format. God it sucks. And talk about trying to bite off of Mac computers… has anyone noticed any similarities between Mac and Windows Vista? One is obviously a brain twister; the other is user friendly to any age range. Take your pick: work hard to get what you want, or take a short cut to get it over and done with. Why can’t every computer program just have ESP where they know what we want and just give it to us? Why so much typing and clicking to get to several links where we still have to figure out what the hell it is we’re looking for? I put in a search link to find pictures of crying babies, and Google gives me several porn links. Don’t they know I have a job I need to keep?

The heat won’t end! I HATE SUMMER!

The weather has been so odd. There will be a few days of heat spells, then a couple of days where it’s overcast. What’s worse is that when it’s 80 degrees outside, it’s 90 inside my apartment. Even with all the windows open, the heat is just unbearable. I tried to cool off in the pool but there were bugs everywhere from flying above the pool – and of course they were dead from the chlorine… either way I wasn’t about to swim amongst bug carcasses. I could feel my skin crawling while in the water. It took me over an hour to try and get comfortable enough to just try to fall asleep… and I was in the bum on top of my bed. When all my attempts failed, I went to play on the internet around midnight, and just by sitting there, the sweat came down my head and back like I had just got out of the shower. I almost went streaking out my front door. I didn’t care if the neighbors would see me. On top of that I was horny but my partner had already fallen asleep. So then I was hot AND pent up. WTF?! Where’s a flippin’ Dairy Queen™ when you need one? I can’t wait for the winter season. It’s so much easier to stay warm than it is to stay cooler. I guess it would help if I didn’t have any extra insulation.

Second day of peace-shattering on the bus ride to work

The same White girl got on the bus this morning with her pink RAZR™ glued to her ear. Some of the same people from yesterday’s trip were on the bus this morning… and we all held our breath to be prepared for another episode. To our surprise, she was on the phone for less than 2 minutes. She kept screaming at the person not to hang up. Once they did, she kept looking at her phone, over and over again. A few of us let out a little giggle. Half way through the trip, I started to doze off because it was 90 degrees inside my apartment last night… I couldn’t sleep worth a damn. I felt myself fall into a deep sleep… until this guy that reeked of alcohol and body odor banged my left knee real hard with his little black carry-on luggage trying to wake me up so he could sit next to me. I looked at him, got up real slow, and watched him while he got situated. I refused to sit next to him so I got up and stood by the rear exit door since I was only three stops away from my destination. As I stood there, he turned around and yelled out, “Ugly Dyke! Fucking stupid bitch!” I yelled back, “Don’t hate… just because my dick is bigger than yours!” The driver looked at me through the rear view mirror and gave me a thumbs-up gesture, and a few of the passengers cheered. I wished I could’ve hit that guy on the head with his luggage. That shit hurt… my knee is still sore… it felt like a ton of bricks were thrown on it. He was off the scale – beyond a 10; he needed the Whaaaambulance with a bunch of EMT’S followed by a large tub with bleach and soap to clean his ass.